Bridges & Braces Episode 1

If you’ve ever had braces, you know the pain that you have to endure in the hopes of improving your smile. If you have never been that kid, be thankful. You never had to have a mouth full of wires, wax and rubber bands. It sounds like a torture device and talk to anyone who has had or has them now and they will tell you about the days of sharp pain they endured.

No one likes to revisit the painful places of there lives but the point here is when you are in the midst of a season that hurts, like braces, it feels like it’s the worst pain and might last forever. When the heart tightens up its like wires and rubber bands pulling and stretching us to our breaking point.

Sometimes those braces get put on because of other people and sometimes we are the reasons they stay on longer then they should. I know I have been guilty of the latter more times then I care to admit. However, learning to lay things at God’s feet and pray for His will is the easiest way to explain how to deal in those moments but also the hardest thing you will do today.

Waking up and making the choice to lay the burdens down at God’s feet is as much a trained behavior as it is learning how to dance or continuing a workout. It takes daily discipline in order to create good habits. You may have heard the saying “what God Brings you to, He brings you through” and that’s what you are facing in those moments when the braces are tight and painful but its in those moments God is building bridges to new areas of your life. You have had the strength to let these things go all along but for some reason you hold on to it. Whether it because you believe you can fix it yourself or can control that area of life. Maybe the worst is you hold on because you know the outcome may not be what you are hoping for.

God’s plan for our life is laid out in Jeremiah 29:11-12 but not so clear that we know the conclusion of the pain we are facing. However, it’s a comforting verse that allows us to know that NO MATTER how bad these braces feel, the end result will always be a beautiful smile.

Bridges & Braces Episode 2

Bridges & Braces Episode 2

Praying for God’s will and for Him to change our hearts to match His is incredibly scary. Praying with persistence when you are weary is like brace wires tightening on your gums and jaw but you have to keep moving forward. God is still at work. Sometimes He reveals quickly things what we need to know and sometimes He doesn’t reveal answers at all but moving forward is all we can do. It’s for the greater good and plan that He has set for our life from the beginning.

I’ve found that praying for God to show me the next step vs. the whole staircase was the only way to get from braces to bridges. I never had the confidence to cross the bridge to new areas of my life when all I could think about was the pain I was feeling. Not knowing who/what would be waiting on the other side of the bridge and not knowing who would follow me as I crossed made it incredibly scary. Also, I’m thankful that God doesn’t illuminate the whole staircase, because I know I would just take off running to the top and miss the other lessons I needed along the way. I’m growing to enjoy the adventure like a roller coaster. Its scary at times and thrilling at times but it’s worth the ride as long as we stay on the tracks, harness on and hands and feet inside the ride as ALL TIMES!

Laying things at God’s feet is also is also important so that we can see the areas of our life that may be causing us to feel pain or be robbed of joys/blessings. We often times swim in waters that remind us of our own pain and we need to just get out and dry off. I know as a former counselor that when I’m helping someone that has/is going through similar situations that I’ve faced, I have had to learn how to carry their burden so as NOT to allow it to drum up my own dark areas causing me to put those braces back on again. While God can use our healed scars to help others, there is a fine line in those moments that we need to pray for so as not to rip open the wound again and have you spiraling down the staircase that was already concurred.

Whether you have battled thru the braces or God has helped you build bridges to new places in your life, these are moments that can increase your faith. Faith in God, Faith in yourself that you did it and faith in yourself that you can endure tough seasons again. New braces are coming and will tighten down on you again but no matter how long it last or how painful they become, there is a bridge for you to cross that IS coming. You’ve seen this pattern before from God and while you may be too close to the mirror to see it yet, God IS still shaping your smile.

Live to Rise: How We Can BE AVENGERS!

Movies can inspire us, Music can motive us and for those who have seen the new release of THE AVENGERS, you already feel the energy and power that movie had over you as you walked out of the theater. Maybe you just simply enjoyed feeling like a 7 year old again running around in your UNDERROOS, however there is something more that sparks the fire to make a difference where we are.

You may be thinking “Ace you’re an idiot. It’s just a movie” well may be I am, but I’m a man that looks for inspiration or is blessed enough for God to place it around me and earlier this week someone came into my life that inspires me like I’ve never felt before so I’m running with it and feasting on a way to change the world around me so I no longer am defined by anything or anyone who chooses to hold me back.

Looking beyond the movie and what underlining message it stands for, it’s like a song in that I can’t tell you what it means because it means something different to all of us. So all I can do is reflect on what challenges came as I sat enthralled for over 2 hours. As I sat with my daughters, Lennon on the right of me and McCartney in my lap(she’s afraid of HULK so being in Daddy’s arms felt safest. ☺), our eyes were wide open form the opening scene and what felt like we never blink.

The bottom line of this is that we all have a “Loki” in our lives. Whether it’s an addiction we have to over come, a relationship that needs ending or bully that wont leave you alone, a “Loki”, like in THE AVENGERS is the villain in the story of our life that keeps showing back up to pen us to the busted pavement with our body, heart and soul bruised and bleeding. The hardest part in facing the “Loki” in your life is that it may be you. Insecurities, jealousy, blinded judgment are all things that we see in the mirror that we often times allow to define us. When is the time going to come that we RISE and be the AVENGER in our lives that helps change the world.

The lessons learned and the champions that brew inside of us can be found in a movie like THE AVENGERS. There are just a few things we need in order to pull this off and defeat our “Loki”.

1. Choose a Weapon: We have certain gifts that we are blessed with and talents that many believe come from God. I happen to be one of those believers and draw strength from that daily. In choosing a weapon, much like a superhero, they are all gifted with something that makes them strong enough to defend the “Loki’s”. What is your superpower?

2. Tame The Rage: When “Loki” rears his head, its easy to let it wear us down and cause us to rage with fears, doubt and protected hearts so that we cannot do what we need to do to get away from them. Like the HULK, taming the rage is about channeling it for focus not for allowing it vent out of control and cause even more destruction.

3. Put on the Armor: The highest profile of THE AVENGERS is IRONMAN. His genius and armor make him powerful in defeating the enemies he faces and for those who hold their faith close, it is putting on the Armor of God that makes it possible to win and be as resilient as God intended.

4. Bring Your Shield: CAPTAIN AMERICA’s shield is as much a weapon as it is a protector. To defeat the “Loki”, we need a shield/protector to watch out for us. Maybe it’s a prayer you say, a friend that you call or even just the ability to walk away from a situation that will only draw the worse out of you if you allow it to take over your life.

5. Keep Your Wits: One of the lead characters of THE AVENGERS you never actually see but hear. The wit from each character and the moments of sarcasm help to lighten the mood and show us the example of when going through the “Loki” that we have to keep our wits in check too. It helps with healing to laugh, it covers the scars when we make jokes about things that are trying to keep us down. Not to say a “Loki” isn’t serious business, but to quote SEAL, “We’re never going to survive unless we get a little bit crazy.”

6. Strength From Within: We have an inner strength that we often don’t believe exist which means we hardly ever tap into to. Finding the strength seems impossible because the “Loki” is taking over so much of our life that we can’t manage it. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. A “Loki” can pull us down but I found that inner strength does start with prayer (because even if you don’t believe in God, ask Him for help and He will reveal Himself and Show off) but this also ties into the final point.

7. Support of a Team: The inner strength that allows you to believe you can defeat the “Loki” in your life often starts with talking to people, seeing a movie, hearing a song or reading a book about those who have overcome the VERY thing you need to triumph over.

Now like every great movie, the credits role and the theme song drives home the feeling of accomplishment giving us a feeling that we can do anything. “Eye of The Tiger” inspired us after ROCKY 3 and John Williams theme music at the end of STAR WARS & SUPERMAN series, THE AVENGERS does the same with Soundgarden’s “Live To Rise”. As you put on your armor, choose your weapon, pick up your shield and your wit, tame your anger and rally your team, feast on the thought as you brave your own personal “Loki”, remember, “Like the sun we will live to rise Like the sun we will live to die and ignite again”.

The Role of a Man

One of my favorite movies of all time, "That Thing You Do", depicts the role of one fictional band in the 60's on their rise to stardom. Along that path, the band changes drummers and puts them on a course to being the next "teen sensation." The new drummer, Guy Patterson, is basically responsible for all the big things that happen to the band, changes the tempo of the song, helps them get a record cut, meets with a manager to get bookings and on the RADIO as well as meets with the label to get a record deal. Without him, none of these things would have happened.

Throughout the movie, Guys answer to most reasons why things were happening for the band was, "I am Spartacus." It wasn't in a cocky manner or full of pride, it was just kinda matter of fact. The mindset of being like Spartacus was that you make things happen, "Git er Dun" as my southern friends would say and taking matters into your own hands when possible. Also, in knowing whats outta your hands and being at peace with that too.

The hardest part of being a man is living with the ego that either we have too much or or too little. Some may even accuse you of being TOO confident or prideful in your life so I believe to some degree the amount of pride a man has is subjective. If you feel your ego gets the best of you, there may need to be adjustments and realistic goals set. IT doesn't have to change what you aim for, only make it manageable in bites you can swallow.

Men battle their egos every minute of the day. Whether we're Spartacus-like and get stuff done or someone has bruised our ego and we are picking ourselves up. Having a healthy ego is good for a man, or woman. Being confident in your abilities, talents and relationships is what helps us to get outta bed each morning knowing that we can handle what comes at us, planned or not.

Regardless of where you are in your confidence level, the easiest way to balance it in your life is to also realize that you have not arrived in your job, family, passions but to always be growing. Whether you lean on things like school, God, friends or the internet to advance yourself, we should always be growing and bracing for change. Change is unavoidable but a balance ego helps us to pick-up and say "I can't change whats happening, I'm here and I want to learn from it and move forward a stronger/better person." The honest truth is that while life can be overwhelming, it doesn't have to cripple us. It doesn't get to rule us if we choose not to let it.

I've found that I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to my ego. Forget what other people expect of me, I have set a high standard for fulfilling my passions and loves in life and no ones gonna hold me back. NO one will EVER be able to apply more pressure on the success and failures of my life then I will. There's not a single person who can do that for you when you balance your Spartacus attitude and move forward today. You and I know the the things we wish we could change about our past but if you change them, it may shape you differently then you are now and the course of your life could be even harder without those life lessons.

You have your own expectations and goals. Things may be derailed at times but still it doesn't mean you can't move forward one step at a time. Life is not about arriving and then kicking back, it's a journey that never stops until we draw our last breath. We can't rush the journey, we can't slow it down but we can wake up and decide to have a "git ur dun" mentality and start living YOUR life, YOUR way, God's Way and allowing peace to just settle in.

The hardest pill to swallow right now it that the biggest issue to overcome may not be someone else's view of you but the view you have of yourself. We do the best we can with what comes at us and with what God's given us. If others want to judge then let them judge, let it roll off your back and keep pressing toward the goal.

Like Rocky Says, " The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!"

You ARE better then THAT and the best part of a healthy ego is that you show others in your actions how to have one as well. Being a role model, no matter to who, is the greatest role of any man.

You Failed....WHAT now?

We've all failed. It’s just a matter of what we do with that failure, big or small, that really defines who we are or at least where we want to go.

We often linger too long in our failures because whether it be for a pity party or because other people simply won't let it go. Don't get me wrong, there are some failures that take a little bit longer to get over than others but we still should set a timetable in our minds and our hearts about how to get over something so that we can move forward and begin to learn and turn that into a success.

I was recently watching one of my favorite all time movies “Elizabethtown.” The great thing that makes Cameron Crowe movies so good is that he writes from personal experience and that's how we connect to the characters. “Elizabethtown” is poignant in that it covers a good mindset to have about dealing with failure.

The movie starts off with the story about Drew Bailor who failed at major shoe company and also finds out that his Dad died. Along the way he meets Claire who ends up helping him discover how to grieve and honor his Dad and deal with his failure in order to not lose his mind along the way. (A good woman can help with guys.)

In the movie, Drew’s thoughts and wisdom's are narrated and he mentions failure in a way that I think is very ominous into our own lives. He says:

“A failure is simply the non-presence
of success But a fiasco is a disaster
of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others that makes other people
feel more alive because it didn't happen to them.”

What Drew says is true but I wanna add that I also believe that we tend to turn failures into fiascoes simply because we don't know how to let go. It’s the too much drama for me mama events that make it hard to grow in a positive direction. In order to avoid falling victim to “blowing things out of proportion” falls into 3 areas of trust; Trusting in God, Ourselves and Others.

1. Trusting in GOD. This comes from a faith and trust that God allows us to fail so that He can do what He loves which is building us up. Also, in the faith that He’s in control along the way no matter how out-of-control it feels.

2. Trusting in Ourselves. When we fail, the biggest dent is not in the failure itself but the confidence that falls away because we question why we attempted that project or relationship and we lose our confidence in that we may not need to attempt anything remotely close to that ever again. I believe that 1 and 2 are tied together because we can only gain confidence by trusting God. He gave us the gifts we have and passions to pursue so why not lean on Him to build that confidence back as well.

3. Trusting in Others. This is the hardest of all when something fails. We lose hope in people and our ability to lead or follow them. A good leader serves and a great leader serves with people who are more talented in areas that they are not. So surrounding yourself with people who are talented in the areas that you need in order to succeed as a person is just as important as trusting that they have your back and best interest at heart. Just like a band, we all have different instruments to play and it takes all of them to make good music.

The best example of how to do that comes later in the movie in a conversation between Drew and Claire where he is admitting his failures to her giving her an excuse not to be with him.

Drew: No, you don't get it.
Claire: All right, you really failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You failed, you failed, you...You think I care about that? I do understand. You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say: "Thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now." "Phil's mean to me..." So what?

Drew: I don't cry.

Claire: You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me.

True greatness is something that we all want to strive for; whether that’s in our careers and our families or our churches or in our community. However, we have to follow Claire’s advice and admit that we have failed, then learn from it and be able to move on. Because other people are watching how we deal with our failures and when we can stand and smile thru it that is truly the greatest success of our lives.

They CAN'T Take That Away

I once heard that “a person who is wandering is not always lost” and the more I think about that I realized it at any given time whether it be emotionally or spiritually we are all wandering.

There are times in a life that we feel defined by the job that we have or by being a mom or a Dad or a husband or a wife or a son or a daughter. In reality, those are all pieces of who we are but they're not exactly what we are. I mean what is it going to take for us to wake up and realize what are we truly destined to do. What we truly are here to be represented, whether that be through our faitth whether that be through our lack of faith or maybe that's just by the paycheck that we bring in.

I don't know if you believe in predestination or if you believe that like Forrest Gump’s momma and that we are all just a feather flying around and where are you land whatever affects you from the properties around you make you into something different. The truth is experiences shape us into either better people or bitter people.

I mean we have social networking that can affect us in a matter of one second whether that be good or bad. It's not just about our jobs or families or how much the house payment is that makes or breaks are mood each day. I mean there comes a point of our lives where we stop applying pressure to ourselves because we are content with the fact that we learn from our mistakes and we are better people because of the things that have happened and the chose’s we’ve made. Whether we're responsible or someone else is responsible for shaping us that way. We might change some things so we can avoid pain we felt or opportunities that were missed but they shaped us anyway into who we are now and who we are gonna be tomorrow.

I know personally for me there are things I've done that I'm not proud of. There are people I've hurt, there are jobs that I left or not taken, there are things that I've done all because I was learning. I was going through the process that IS life and God guided me in most of those but I didn't allow him to lead me in some of them but it all became a part of who I am right now. I don't live my life with regrets anymore. I don’t believe that any of us should live that way as long as we learn from our mistakes and we realize that we are just wandering. We are just seeking what is the next thing, the next plateau, the next level that I'm trying to get to.

That doesn’t mean that going through lives that were trying to arrive at something or some place. It just means that were learning or going through the process together. There are certain things that people can never take away from you. your dignity. Your integrity. your love. Being a parent. Having a talent or gift or skill. Those things belong to you and should be used in a way that reaches out to others because they are your unique set of skills and personality and leadership. Now one or all of these things may BE in question at times in your life, that’s not a bad thing. I mean sometimes we bring that on ourselves, but most times, people just don’t get you. They don’t like that you accomplish things differently than they do with the same or better results. They don’t like the way you represent your faith or your community or your family. Bottom line, we can’t change them or “teach up” to make them see things thru our lens. However, we can change how we react to them and how we allow things to roll off our back so that we can move forward in life. I mean we’re not to be so cocky that we aren’t teachable or able to learn from the people and elements around us but it’s your life. The only one GOD gave and you are doing the best you can with the time, love and money that God has blessed you with.

Beating ourselves up or trying to live a life on someone else’s expectations or timeline will only drive you insane. It’s a fine we all ride daily but when we can’t feel another thing or take another minute more of whatever it is that’s driving us crazy, we can stop and say “I’m (first name) Freakin (Last Name) and I’m committed to whatever it takes to be the best version of myself I can be.

Whether it feels like it or not YOU INSPIRE people. Usually those you inspire don’t speak up so it’s easy to feel like you are failing or a letdown. It’s simply not true and the next step/word you take may be the one that inspires YOU!

Fine Tuning

We all have perceptions. Of ourselves, of others, of God. Most times, probably almost always, we see ourselves and others different then the reality really is. Which can often times be good when the perception is wrong but can really be BAD if the perception is Wrong!

Having people of accountability in our life is like a food critic, they have insight into what you can do to make your food better even though you may not really care. You prepare the food the way you like it and if they were to prepare the same dish, here's how they would create the dish but often times we agree to disagree on the views of what taste good or bad.

Life is like food, it's an acquired taste!

When we find that people just don't get what we are about, what we stand for, what we look like, dress like or believe in, it can often times come off as judgmental when those opinions are not invited, however; thats true accountability. We need those people to speak into our lives so that we have big picture thinking pulling us away from the canvas long enough to see where things can drastically go right or wrong if we hold things to close to the painting.

True accountability is like what a musician does before each rehearsal or performance. THEY TUNE! If a guitar is outta tune, no song it plays will be worth hearing. So no matter how the guitar sounded the day before of even 20 minutes ago, retuning helps them stay one with the band and the music they are playing. If we are not in tune with life/God, it's hard for people to hear you.

Without true accountability, we can find it hard to tune the areas of our life that sound sour. With the right accountability and Godly insight, we can move in a direction that creates a filter that hopefully helps us make right choices and learn from the wrong ones. Even though consequences occur from our actions, they are never in vain when we can learn from them so we break the patterns we have been living that got us to the point in our life.

You may be like me and many, I get frustrated when I have to explain myself to people who just have a narrow view of what I should be doing or acting or saying. Some lenses are just too narrow for people to get what you are about. However, God has created you uniquely and even when you may agree to disagree with someone, you can still store and process what they say so that you may still learn and BE AWARE of things you can do to be better in life, in work and in service to others. While parts of your circle may not be able to handle you on an 11, there are those that can and do. Balancing the knob to know when to turn up or down to meet the needs around you is part of the adventures of life. (I recommend having those moments you can open it WIDE to 11 and let it blow. It's also part of the balance we all need with those who DO get you.)

It's never easy to make those changes and it may put us somewhere we never thoughts we would be, but the reality is whatever can bring us closer to God and to be the best version of ourselves, is really the goal of any and all accountability.

That's true tuning and makes playing in the band so much more enjoyable.