One of my favorite movies of all time, "That Thing You Do", depicts the role of one fictional band in the 60's on their rise to stardom. Along that path, the band changes drummers and puts them on a course to being the next "teen sensation." The new drummer, Guy Patterson, is basically responsible for all the big things that happen to the band, changes the tempo of the song, helps them get a record cut, meets with a manager to get bookings and on the RADIO as well as meets with the label to get a record deal. Without him, none of these things would have happened.
Throughout the movie, Guys answer to most reasons why things were happening for the band was, "I am Spartacus." It wasn't in a cocky manner or full of pride, it was just kinda matter of fact. The mindset of being like Spartacus was that you make things happen, "Git er Dun" as my southern friends would say and taking matters into your own hands when possible. Also, in knowing whats outta your hands and being at peace with that too.
The hardest part of being a man is living with the ego that either we have too much or or too little. Some may even accuse you of being TOO confident or prideful in your life so I believe to some degree the amount of pride a man has is subjective. If you feel your ego gets the best of you, there may need to be adjustments and realistic goals set. IT doesn't have to change what you aim for, only make it manageable in bites you can swallow.
Men battle their egos every minute of the day. Whether we're Spartacus-like and get stuff done or someone has bruised our ego and we are picking ourselves up. Having a healthy ego is good for a man, or woman. Being confident in your abilities, talents and relationships is what helps us to get outta bed each morning knowing that we can handle what comes at us, planned or not.
Regardless of where you are in your confidence level, the easiest way to balance it in your life is to also realize that you have not arrived in your job, family, passions but to always be growing. Whether you lean on things like school, God, friends or the internet to advance yourself, we should always be growing and bracing for change. Change is unavoidable but a balance ego helps us to pick-up and say "I can't change whats happening, I'm here and I want to learn from it and move forward a stronger/better person." The honest truth is that while life can be overwhelming, it doesn't have to cripple us. It doesn't get to rule us if we choose not to let it.
I've found that I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to my ego. Forget what other people expect of me, I have set a high standard for fulfilling my passions and loves in life and no ones gonna hold me back. NO one will EVER be able to apply more pressure on the success and failures of my life then I will. There's not a single person who can do that for you when you balance your Spartacus attitude and move forward today. You and I know the the things we wish we could change about our past but if you change them, it may shape you differently then you are now and the course of your life could be even harder without those life lessons.
You have your own expectations and goals. Things may be derailed at times but still it doesn't mean you can't move forward one step at a time. Life is not about arriving and then kicking back, it's a journey that never stops until we draw our last breath. We can't rush the journey, we can't slow it down but we can wake up and decide to have a "git ur dun" mentality and start living YOUR life, YOUR way, God's Way and allowing peace to just settle in.
The hardest pill to swallow right now it that the biggest issue to overcome may not be someone else's view of you but the view you have of yourself. We do the best we can with what comes at us and with what God's given us. If others want to judge then let them judge, let it roll off your back and keep pressing toward the goal.
Like Rocky Says, " The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you! You’re better than that!"
You ARE better then THAT and the best part of a healthy ego is that you show others in your actions how to have one as well. Being a role model, no matter to who, is the greatest role of any man.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
You Failed....WHAT now?
We've all failed. It’s just a matter of what we do with that failure, big or small, that really defines who we are or at least where we want to go.
We often linger too long in our failures because whether it be for a pity party or because other people simply won't let it go. Don't get me wrong, there are some failures that take a little bit longer to get over than others but we still should set a timetable in our minds and our hearts about how to get over something so that we can move forward and begin to learn and turn that into a success.
I was recently watching one of my favorite all time movies “Elizabethtown.” The great thing that makes Cameron Crowe movies so good is that he writes from personal experience and that's how we connect to the characters. “Elizabethtown” is poignant in that it covers a good mindset to have about dealing with failure.
The movie starts off with the story about Drew Bailor who failed at major shoe company and also finds out that his Dad died. Along the way he meets Claire who ends up helping him discover how to grieve and honor his Dad and deal with his failure in order to not lose his mind along the way. (A good woman can help with guys.)
In the movie, Drew’s thoughts and wisdom's are narrated and he mentions failure in a way that I think is very ominous into our own lives. He says:
“A failure is simply the non-presence
of success But a fiasco is a disaster
of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others that makes other people
feel more alive because it didn't happen to them.”
What Drew says is true but I wanna add that I also believe that we tend to turn failures into fiascoes simply because we don't know how to let go. It’s the too much drama for me mama events that make it hard to grow in a positive direction. In order to avoid falling victim to “blowing things out of proportion” falls into 3 areas of trust; Trusting in God, Ourselves and Others.
1. Trusting in GOD. This comes from a faith and trust that God allows us to fail so that He can do what He loves which is building us up. Also, in the faith that He’s in control along the way no matter how out-of-control it feels.
2. Trusting in Ourselves. When we fail, the biggest dent is not in the failure itself but the confidence that falls away because we question why we attempted that project or relationship and we lose our confidence in that we may not need to attempt anything remotely close to that ever again. I believe that 1 and 2 are tied together because we can only gain confidence by trusting God. He gave us the gifts we have and passions to pursue so why not lean on Him to build that confidence back as well.
3. Trusting in Others. This is the hardest of all when something fails. We lose hope in people and our ability to lead or follow them. A good leader serves and a great leader serves with people who are more talented in areas that they are not. So surrounding yourself with people who are talented in the areas that you need in order to succeed as a person is just as important as trusting that they have your back and best interest at heart. Just like a band, we all have different instruments to play and it takes all of them to make good music.
The best example of how to do that comes later in the movie in a conversation between Drew and Claire where he is admitting his failures to her giving her an excuse not to be with him.
Drew: No, you don't get it.
Claire: All right, you really failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You failed, you failed, you...You think I care about that? I do understand. You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say: "Thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now." "Phil's mean to me..." So what?
Drew: I don't cry.
Claire: You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me.
True greatness is something that we all want to strive for; whether that’s in our careers and our families or our churches or in our community. However, we have to follow Claire’s advice and admit that we have failed, then learn from it and be able to move on. Because other people are watching how we deal with our failures and when we can stand and smile thru it that is truly the greatest success of our lives.
We often linger too long in our failures because whether it be for a pity party or because other people simply won't let it go. Don't get me wrong, there are some failures that take a little bit longer to get over than others but we still should set a timetable in our minds and our hearts about how to get over something so that we can move forward and begin to learn and turn that into a success.
I was recently watching one of my favorite all time movies “Elizabethtown.” The great thing that makes Cameron Crowe movies so good is that he writes from personal experience and that's how we connect to the characters. “Elizabethtown” is poignant in that it covers a good mindset to have about dealing with failure.
The movie starts off with the story about Drew Bailor who failed at major shoe company and also finds out that his Dad died. Along the way he meets Claire who ends up helping him discover how to grieve and honor his Dad and deal with his failure in order to not lose his mind along the way. (A good woman can help with guys.)
In the movie, Drew’s thoughts and wisdom's are narrated and he mentions failure in a way that I think is very ominous into our own lives. He says:
“A failure is simply the non-presence
of success But a fiasco is a disaster
of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others that makes other people
feel more alive because it didn't happen to them.”
What Drew says is true but I wanna add that I also believe that we tend to turn failures into fiascoes simply because we don't know how to let go. It’s the too much drama for me mama events that make it hard to grow in a positive direction. In order to avoid falling victim to “blowing things out of proportion” falls into 3 areas of trust; Trusting in God, Ourselves and Others.
1. Trusting in GOD. This comes from a faith and trust that God allows us to fail so that He can do what He loves which is building us up. Also, in the faith that He’s in control along the way no matter how out-of-control it feels.
2. Trusting in Ourselves. When we fail, the biggest dent is not in the failure itself but the confidence that falls away because we question why we attempted that project or relationship and we lose our confidence in that we may not need to attempt anything remotely close to that ever again. I believe that 1 and 2 are tied together because we can only gain confidence by trusting God. He gave us the gifts we have and passions to pursue so why not lean on Him to build that confidence back as well.
3. Trusting in Others. This is the hardest of all when something fails. We lose hope in people and our ability to lead or follow them. A good leader serves and a great leader serves with people who are more talented in areas that they are not. So surrounding yourself with people who are talented in the areas that you need in order to succeed as a person is just as important as trusting that they have your back and best interest at heart. Just like a band, we all have different instruments to play and it takes all of them to make good music.
The best example of how to do that comes later in the movie in a conversation between Drew and Claire where he is admitting his failures to her giving her an excuse not to be with him.
Drew: No, you don't get it.
Claire: All right, you really failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You failed, you failed, you...You think I care about that? I do understand. You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say: "Thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now." "Phil's mean to me..." So what?
Drew: I don't cry.
Claire: You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me.
True greatness is something that we all want to strive for; whether that’s in our careers and our families or our churches or in our community. However, we have to follow Claire’s advice and admit that we have failed, then learn from it and be able to move on. Because other people are watching how we deal with our failures and when we can stand and smile thru it that is truly the greatest success of our lives.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
They CAN'T Take That Away
I once heard that “a person who is wandering is not always lost” and the more I think about that I realized it at any given time whether it be emotionally or spiritually we are all wandering.
There are times in a life that we feel defined by the job that we have or by being a mom or a Dad or a husband or a wife or a son or a daughter. In reality, those are all pieces of who we are but they're not exactly what we are. I mean what is it going to take for us to wake up and realize what are we truly destined to do. What we truly are here to be represented, whether that be through our faitth whether that be through our lack of faith or maybe that's just by the paycheck that we bring in.
I don't know if you believe in predestination or if you believe that like Forrest Gump’s momma and that we are all just a feather flying around and where are you land whatever affects you from the properties around you make you into something different. The truth is experiences shape us into either better people or bitter people.
I mean we have social networking that can affect us in a matter of one second whether that be good or bad. It's not just about our jobs or families or how much the house payment is that makes or breaks are mood each day. I mean there comes a point of our lives where we stop applying pressure to ourselves because we are content with the fact that we learn from our mistakes and we are better people because of the things that have happened and the chose’s we’ve made. Whether we're responsible or someone else is responsible for shaping us that way. We might change some things so we can avoid pain we felt or opportunities that were missed but they shaped us anyway into who we are now and who we are gonna be tomorrow.
I know personally for me there are things I've done that I'm not proud of. There are people I've hurt, there are jobs that I left or not taken, there are things that I've done all because I was learning. I was going through the process that IS life and God guided me in most of those but I didn't allow him to lead me in some of them but it all became a part of who I am right now. I don't live my life with regrets anymore. I don’t believe that any of us should live that way as long as we learn from our mistakes and we realize that we are just wandering. We are just seeking what is the next thing, the next plateau, the next level that I'm trying to get to.
That doesn’t mean that going through lives that were trying to arrive at something or some place. It just means that were learning or going through the process together. There are certain things that people can never take away from you. your dignity. Your integrity. your love. Being a parent. Having a talent or gift or skill. Those things belong to you and should be used in a way that reaches out to others because they are your unique set of skills and personality and leadership. Now one or all of these things may BE in question at times in your life, that’s not a bad thing. I mean sometimes we bring that on ourselves, but most times, people just don’t get you. They don’t like that you accomplish things differently than they do with the same or better results. They don’t like the way you represent your faith or your community or your family. Bottom line, we can’t change them or “teach up” to make them see things thru our lens. However, we can change how we react to them and how we allow things to roll off our back so that we can move forward in life. I mean we’re not to be so cocky that we aren’t teachable or able to learn from the people and elements around us but it’s your life. The only one GOD gave and you are doing the best you can with the time, love and money that God has blessed you with.
Beating ourselves up or trying to live a life on someone else’s expectations or timeline will only drive you insane. It’s a fine we all ride daily but when we can’t feel another thing or take another minute more of whatever it is that’s driving us crazy, we can stop and say “I’m (first name) Freakin (Last Name) and I’m committed to whatever it takes to be the best version of myself I can be.
Whether it feels like it or not YOU INSPIRE people. Usually those you inspire don’t speak up so it’s easy to feel like you are failing or a letdown. It’s simply not true and the next step/word you take may be the one that inspires YOU!
There are times in a life that we feel defined by the job that we have or by being a mom or a Dad or a husband or a wife or a son or a daughter. In reality, those are all pieces of who we are but they're not exactly what we are. I mean what is it going to take for us to wake up and realize what are we truly destined to do. What we truly are here to be represented, whether that be through our faitth whether that be through our lack of faith or maybe that's just by the paycheck that we bring in.
I don't know if you believe in predestination or if you believe that like Forrest Gump’s momma and that we are all just a feather flying around and where are you land whatever affects you from the properties around you make you into something different. The truth is experiences shape us into either better people or bitter people.
I mean we have social networking that can affect us in a matter of one second whether that be good or bad. It's not just about our jobs or families or how much the house payment is that makes or breaks are mood each day. I mean there comes a point of our lives where we stop applying pressure to ourselves because we are content with the fact that we learn from our mistakes and we are better people because of the things that have happened and the chose’s we’ve made. Whether we're responsible or someone else is responsible for shaping us that way. We might change some things so we can avoid pain we felt or opportunities that were missed but they shaped us anyway into who we are now and who we are gonna be tomorrow.
I know personally for me there are things I've done that I'm not proud of. There are people I've hurt, there are jobs that I left or not taken, there are things that I've done all because I was learning. I was going through the process that IS life and God guided me in most of those but I didn't allow him to lead me in some of them but it all became a part of who I am right now. I don't live my life with regrets anymore. I don’t believe that any of us should live that way as long as we learn from our mistakes and we realize that we are just wandering. We are just seeking what is the next thing, the next plateau, the next level that I'm trying to get to.
That doesn’t mean that going through lives that were trying to arrive at something or some place. It just means that were learning or going through the process together. There are certain things that people can never take away from you. your dignity. Your integrity. your love. Being a parent. Having a talent or gift or skill. Those things belong to you and should be used in a way that reaches out to others because they are your unique set of skills and personality and leadership. Now one or all of these things may BE in question at times in your life, that’s not a bad thing. I mean sometimes we bring that on ourselves, but most times, people just don’t get you. They don’t like that you accomplish things differently than they do with the same or better results. They don’t like the way you represent your faith or your community or your family. Bottom line, we can’t change them or “teach up” to make them see things thru our lens. However, we can change how we react to them and how we allow things to roll off our back so that we can move forward in life. I mean we’re not to be so cocky that we aren’t teachable or able to learn from the people and elements around us but it’s your life. The only one GOD gave and you are doing the best you can with the time, love and money that God has blessed you with.
Beating ourselves up or trying to live a life on someone else’s expectations or timeline will only drive you insane. It’s a fine we all ride daily but when we can’t feel another thing or take another minute more of whatever it is that’s driving us crazy, we can stop and say “I’m (first name) Freakin (Last Name) and I’m committed to whatever it takes to be the best version of myself I can be.
Whether it feels like it or not YOU INSPIRE people. Usually those you inspire don’t speak up so it’s easy to feel like you are failing or a letdown. It’s simply not true and the next step/word you take may be the one that inspires YOU!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Fine Tuning
We all have perceptions. Of ourselves, of others, of God. Most times, probably almost always, we see ourselves and others different then the reality really is. Which can often times be good when the perception is wrong but can really be BAD if the perception is Wrong!
Having people of accountability in our life is like a food critic, they have insight into what you can do to make your food better even though you may not really care. You prepare the food the way you like it and if they were to prepare the same dish, here's how they would create the dish but often times we agree to disagree on the views of what taste good or bad.
Life is like food, it's an acquired taste!
When we find that people just don't get what we are about, what we stand for, what we look like, dress like or believe in, it can often times come off as judgmental when those opinions are not invited, however; thats true accountability. We need those people to speak into our lives so that we have big picture thinking pulling us away from the canvas long enough to see where things can drastically go right or wrong if we hold things to close to the painting.
True accountability is like what a musician does before each rehearsal or performance. THEY TUNE! If a guitar is outta tune, no song it plays will be worth hearing. So no matter how the guitar sounded the day before of even 20 minutes ago, retuning helps them stay one with the band and the music they are playing. If we are not in tune with life/God, it's hard for people to hear you.
Without true accountability, we can find it hard to tune the areas of our life that sound sour. With the right accountability and Godly insight, we can move in a direction that creates a filter that hopefully helps us make right choices and learn from the wrong ones. Even though consequences occur from our actions, they are never in vain when we can learn from them so we break the patterns we have been living that got us to the point in our life.
You may be like me and many, I get frustrated when I have to explain myself to people who just have a narrow view of what I should be doing or acting or saying. Some lenses are just too narrow for people to get what you are about. However, God has created you uniquely and even when you may agree to disagree with someone, you can still store and process what they say so that you may still learn and BE AWARE of things you can do to be better in life, in work and in service to others. While parts of your circle may not be able to handle you on an 11, there are those that can and do. Balancing the knob to know when to turn up or down to meet the needs around you is part of the adventures of life. (I recommend having those moments you can open it WIDE to 11 and let it blow. It's also part of the balance we all need with those who DO get you.)
It's never easy to make those changes and it may put us somewhere we never thoughts we would be, but the reality is whatever can bring us closer to God and to be the best version of ourselves, is really the goal of any and all accountability.
That's true tuning and makes playing in the band so much more enjoyable.
Having people of accountability in our life is like a food critic, they have insight into what you can do to make your food better even though you may not really care. You prepare the food the way you like it and if they were to prepare the same dish, here's how they would create the dish but often times we agree to disagree on the views of what taste good or bad.
Life is like food, it's an acquired taste!
When we find that people just don't get what we are about, what we stand for, what we look like, dress like or believe in, it can often times come off as judgmental when those opinions are not invited, however; thats true accountability. We need those people to speak into our lives so that we have big picture thinking pulling us away from the canvas long enough to see where things can drastically go right or wrong if we hold things to close to the painting.
True accountability is like what a musician does before each rehearsal or performance. THEY TUNE! If a guitar is outta tune, no song it plays will be worth hearing. So no matter how the guitar sounded the day before of even 20 minutes ago, retuning helps them stay one with the band and the music they are playing. If we are not in tune with life/God, it's hard for people to hear you.
Without true accountability, we can find it hard to tune the areas of our life that sound sour. With the right accountability and Godly insight, we can move in a direction that creates a filter that hopefully helps us make right choices and learn from the wrong ones. Even though consequences occur from our actions, they are never in vain when we can learn from them so we break the patterns we have been living that got us to the point in our life.
You may be like me and many, I get frustrated when I have to explain myself to people who just have a narrow view of what I should be doing or acting or saying. Some lenses are just too narrow for people to get what you are about. However, God has created you uniquely and even when you may agree to disagree with someone, you can still store and process what they say so that you may still learn and BE AWARE of things you can do to be better in life, in work and in service to others. While parts of your circle may not be able to handle you on an 11, there are those that can and do. Balancing the knob to know when to turn up or down to meet the needs around you is part of the adventures of life. (I recommend having those moments you can open it WIDE to 11 and let it blow. It's also part of the balance we all need with those who DO get you.)
It's never easy to make those changes and it may put us somewhere we never thoughts we would be, but the reality is whatever can bring us closer to God and to be the best version of ourselves, is really the goal of any and all accountability.
That's true tuning and makes playing in the band so much more enjoyable.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Weekend Dad
It's Friday at 5 o'clock and as you pick up the kids from the designated drop off, IE, school, McDonald's or their mom's house, there's a wealth of things swimming in your mind. "What am I gonna do with the kids this weekend?", "what are we gonna grab for dinner?" or "how do make my time with them count?". These are just a few of the millions of things that can make the weekend difficult without a plan but being a "Weekend Dad" is not about planning it's about the attitude a father can have to impress his love on his kids.
I was one of those kids. I had a Dad who was absent for most of my childhood. I had a step Dad who apart of my life and I saw my real Dad from time to time but I never really knew what was normal and what was not. When it's all you've ever known, how do make rise above it and become a better father.
I'm no expert and feel I fail my girls in ways of lack of time or fatigue gets the better of me and we miss a chance to connect but I feel that there's one thing that I want motivate me to be a great Dad. It comes down to the basic idea that I want them to know ME. To know, the best parts of me. While they are younger they see mostly good and the darker side of my life will come out in time as they get older and see their own flaws (that may or may not be from me).
As I allow myself to just come out, I hope that the good parts of my personality and passion for life rubs off on them. I want them to remember good times and know who Daddy is.
I want to be into the things they are into just enough to help encourage and motivate them then they get down. I hope that we has father's can't let our scars show enough one day that we help our kids to not let fear reign over them.
The time we invest into them could be more quality then quantity if we can just help them learn this one key lesson of overcoming fears.
I know that I'm lenient in areas that other parents are stricked but when we feel we can't be great parents, there must come peace that we were chosen to be this kids Dad and no ONE else coulda done the job and to enjoy being a kid with them. Letting our stresses go and when other Dad's see you with them or hear how you raise them, you could be setting the tone to challenge father's to come and better then that, teaching your kids how to be a great Dad or Mom.
~Always Fly~
I was one of those kids. I had a Dad who was absent for most of my childhood. I had a step Dad who apart of my life and I saw my real Dad from time to time but I never really knew what was normal and what was not. When it's all you've ever known, how do make rise above it and become a better father.
I'm no expert and feel I fail my girls in ways of lack of time or fatigue gets the better of me and we miss a chance to connect but I feel that there's one thing that I want motivate me to be a great Dad. It comes down to the basic idea that I want them to know ME. To know, the best parts of me. While they are younger they see mostly good and the darker side of my life will come out in time as they get older and see their own flaws (that may or may not be from me).
As I allow myself to just come out, I hope that the good parts of my personality and passion for life rubs off on them. I want them to remember good times and know who Daddy is.
I want to be into the things they are into just enough to help encourage and motivate them then they get down. I hope that we has father's can't let our scars show enough one day that we help our kids to not let fear reign over them.
The time we invest into them could be more quality then quantity if we can just help them learn this one key lesson of overcoming fears.
I know that I'm lenient in areas that other parents are stricked but when we feel we can't be great parents, there must come peace that we were chosen to be this kids Dad and no ONE else coulda done the job and to enjoy being a kid with them. Letting our stresses go and when other Dad's see you with them or hear how you raise them, you could be setting the tone to challenge father's to come and better then that, teaching your kids how to be a great Dad or Mom.
~Always Fly~
Friday, February 18, 2011
Hello REAL World
OKAY! I've started blog sites before and I don't know if anyone reads them or not. Honestly I don't care but I believe we all have a voice and after 6 years of writing, 20 plus years of playing and several years of speaking, I feel that we all have plenty to say. This will a place to exchange ideas, life experience as a Dad and thoughts on God, music, tattoos and fast food! LOL! I have an "I Am Sparticus" attitude because I wanna get things done not just for myself but for those I care about or can help. If I have a way/means, then Thank God for doors that get kicked off the henge because we will go through it together.
Read it, enjoy it, tweet about it if you like but I will tell it like it is as I see it. I have a weird sense of humor that may come as rude but I don't we all have that in us buy now. The music, movies and TV shows we have made popular show that sarcasm is a true love language. OH and we can talk about love. I've had, I've lost it, I've stolen it even but what I've learned from them all shows me how to not just love what I have but to give love harder then I ever have in my life.
I will be in touch!
:L8r T8r!
Ace
Read it, enjoy it, tweet about it if you like but I will tell it like it is as I see it. I have a weird sense of humor that may come as rude but I don't we all have that in us buy now. The music, movies and TV shows we have made popular show that sarcasm is a true love language. OH and we can talk about love. I've had, I've lost it, I've stolen it even but what I've learned from them all shows me how to not just love what I have but to give love harder then I ever have in my life.
I will be in touch!
:L8r T8r!
Ace
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