We've all failed. It’s just a matter of what we do with that failure, big or small, that really defines who we are or at least where we want to go.
We often linger too long in our failures because whether it be for a pity party or because other people simply won't let it go. Don't get me wrong, there are some failures that take a little bit longer to get over than others but we still should set a timetable in our minds and our hearts about how to get over something so that we can move forward and begin to learn and turn that into a success.
I was recently watching one of my favorite all time movies “Elizabethtown.” The great thing that makes Cameron Crowe movies so good is that he writes from personal experience and that's how we connect to the characters. “Elizabethtown” is poignant in that it covers a good mindset to have about dealing with failure.
The movie starts off with the story about Drew Bailor who failed at major shoe company and also finds out that his Dad died. Along the way he meets Claire who ends up helping him discover how to grieve and honor his Dad and deal with his failure in order to not lose his mind along the way. (A good woman can help with guys.)
In the movie, Drew’s thoughts and wisdom's are narrated and he mentions failure in a way that I think is very ominous into our own lives. He says:
“A failure is simply the non-presence
of success But a fiasco is a disaster
of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others that makes other people
feel more alive because it didn't happen to them.”
What Drew says is true but I wanna add that I also believe that we tend to turn failures into fiascoes simply because we don't know how to let go. It’s the too much drama for me mama events that make it hard to grow in a positive direction. In order to avoid falling victim to “blowing things out of proportion” falls into 3 areas of trust; Trusting in God, Ourselves and Others.
1. Trusting in GOD. This comes from a faith and trust that God allows us to fail so that He can do what He loves which is building us up. Also, in the faith that He’s in control along the way no matter how out-of-control it feels.
2. Trusting in Ourselves. When we fail, the biggest dent is not in the failure itself but the confidence that falls away because we question why we attempted that project or relationship and we lose our confidence in that we may not need to attempt anything remotely close to that ever again. I believe that 1 and 2 are tied together because we can only gain confidence by trusting God. He gave us the gifts we have and passions to pursue so why not lean on Him to build that confidence back as well.
3. Trusting in Others. This is the hardest of all when something fails. We lose hope in people and our ability to lead or follow them. A good leader serves and a great leader serves with people who are more talented in areas that they are not. So surrounding yourself with people who are talented in the areas that you need in order to succeed as a person is just as important as trusting that they have your back and best interest at heart. Just like a band, we all have different instruments to play and it takes all of them to make good music.
The best example of how to do that comes later in the movie in a conversation between Drew and Claire where he is admitting his failures to her giving her an excuse not to be with him.
Drew: No, you don't get it.
Claire: All right, you really failed. You failed, you failed, you failed. You failed, you failed, you...You think I care about that? I do understand. You're an artist, man. Your job is to break through barriers. Not accept blame and bow and say: "Thank you, I'm a loser, I'll go away now." "Phil's mean to me..." So what?
Drew: I don't cry.
Claire: You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me.
True greatness is something that we all want to strive for; whether that’s in our careers and our families or our churches or in our community. However, we have to follow Claire’s advice and admit that we have failed, then learn from it and be able to move on. Because other people are watching how we deal with our failures and when we can stand and smile thru it that is truly the greatest success of our lives.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
They CAN'T Take That Away
I once heard that “a person who is wandering is not always lost” and the more I think about that I realized it at any given time whether it be emotionally or spiritually we are all wandering.
There are times in a life that we feel defined by the job that we have or by being a mom or a Dad or a husband or a wife or a son or a daughter. In reality, those are all pieces of who we are but they're not exactly what we are. I mean what is it going to take for us to wake up and realize what are we truly destined to do. What we truly are here to be represented, whether that be through our faitth whether that be through our lack of faith or maybe that's just by the paycheck that we bring in.
I don't know if you believe in predestination or if you believe that like Forrest Gump’s momma and that we are all just a feather flying around and where are you land whatever affects you from the properties around you make you into something different. The truth is experiences shape us into either better people or bitter people.
I mean we have social networking that can affect us in a matter of one second whether that be good or bad. It's not just about our jobs or families or how much the house payment is that makes or breaks are mood each day. I mean there comes a point of our lives where we stop applying pressure to ourselves because we are content with the fact that we learn from our mistakes and we are better people because of the things that have happened and the chose’s we’ve made. Whether we're responsible or someone else is responsible for shaping us that way. We might change some things so we can avoid pain we felt or opportunities that were missed but they shaped us anyway into who we are now and who we are gonna be tomorrow.
I know personally for me there are things I've done that I'm not proud of. There are people I've hurt, there are jobs that I left or not taken, there are things that I've done all because I was learning. I was going through the process that IS life and God guided me in most of those but I didn't allow him to lead me in some of them but it all became a part of who I am right now. I don't live my life with regrets anymore. I don’t believe that any of us should live that way as long as we learn from our mistakes and we realize that we are just wandering. We are just seeking what is the next thing, the next plateau, the next level that I'm trying to get to.
That doesn’t mean that going through lives that were trying to arrive at something or some place. It just means that were learning or going through the process together. There are certain things that people can never take away from you. your dignity. Your integrity. your love. Being a parent. Having a talent or gift or skill. Those things belong to you and should be used in a way that reaches out to others because they are your unique set of skills and personality and leadership. Now one or all of these things may BE in question at times in your life, that’s not a bad thing. I mean sometimes we bring that on ourselves, but most times, people just don’t get you. They don’t like that you accomplish things differently than they do with the same or better results. They don’t like the way you represent your faith or your community or your family. Bottom line, we can’t change them or “teach up” to make them see things thru our lens. However, we can change how we react to them and how we allow things to roll off our back so that we can move forward in life. I mean we’re not to be so cocky that we aren’t teachable or able to learn from the people and elements around us but it’s your life. The only one GOD gave and you are doing the best you can with the time, love and money that God has blessed you with.
Beating ourselves up or trying to live a life on someone else’s expectations or timeline will only drive you insane. It’s a fine we all ride daily but when we can’t feel another thing or take another minute more of whatever it is that’s driving us crazy, we can stop and say “I’m (first name) Freakin (Last Name) and I’m committed to whatever it takes to be the best version of myself I can be.
Whether it feels like it or not YOU INSPIRE people. Usually those you inspire don’t speak up so it’s easy to feel like you are failing or a letdown. It’s simply not true and the next step/word you take may be the one that inspires YOU!
There are times in a life that we feel defined by the job that we have or by being a mom or a Dad or a husband or a wife or a son or a daughter. In reality, those are all pieces of who we are but they're not exactly what we are. I mean what is it going to take for us to wake up and realize what are we truly destined to do. What we truly are here to be represented, whether that be through our faitth whether that be through our lack of faith or maybe that's just by the paycheck that we bring in.
I don't know if you believe in predestination or if you believe that like Forrest Gump’s momma and that we are all just a feather flying around and where are you land whatever affects you from the properties around you make you into something different. The truth is experiences shape us into either better people or bitter people.
I mean we have social networking that can affect us in a matter of one second whether that be good or bad. It's not just about our jobs or families or how much the house payment is that makes or breaks are mood each day. I mean there comes a point of our lives where we stop applying pressure to ourselves because we are content with the fact that we learn from our mistakes and we are better people because of the things that have happened and the chose’s we’ve made. Whether we're responsible or someone else is responsible for shaping us that way. We might change some things so we can avoid pain we felt or opportunities that were missed but they shaped us anyway into who we are now and who we are gonna be tomorrow.
I know personally for me there are things I've done that I'm not proud of. There are people I've hurt, there are jobs that I left or not taken, there are things that I've done all because I was learning. I was going through the process that IS life and God guided me in most of those but I didn't allow him to lead me in some of them but it all became a part of who I am right now. I don't live my life with regrets anymore. I don’t believe that any of us should live that way as long as we learn from our mistakes and we realize that we are just wandering. We are just seeking what is the next thing, the next plateau, the next level that I'm trying to get to.
That doesn’t mean that going through lives that were trying to arrive at something or some place. It just means that were learning or going through the process together. There are certain things that people can never take away from you. your dignity. Your integrity. your love. Being a parent. Having a talent or gift or skill. Those things belong to you and should be used in a way that reaches out to others because they are your unique set of skills and personality and leadership. Now one or all of these things may BE in question at times in your life, that’s not a bad thing. I mean sometimes we bring that on ourselves, but most times, people just don’t get you. They don’t like that you accomplish things differently than they do with the same or better results. They don’t like the way you represent your faith or your community or your family. Bottom line, we can’t change them or “teach up” to make them see things thru our lens. However, we can change how we react to them and how we allow things to roll off our back so that we can move forward in life. I mean we’re not to be so cocky that we aren’t teachable or able to learn from the people and elements around us but it’s your life. The only one GOD gave and you are doing the best you can with the time, love and money that God has blessed you with.
Beating ourselves up or trying to live a life on someone else’s expectations or timeline will only drive you insane. It’s a fine we all ride daily but when we can’t feel another thing or take another minute more of whatever it is that’s driving us crazy, we can stop and say “I’m (first name) Freakin (Last Name) and I’m committed to whatever it takes to be the best version of myself I can be.
Whether it feels like it or not YOU INSPIRE people. Usually those you inspire don’t speak up so it’s easy to feel like you are failing or a letdown. It’s simply not true and the next step/word you take may be the one that inspires YOU!
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